Wanderlust

Ah Wanderlust. I has it.

I has it real bad.

I can't sit still. I can't concentrate. I feel like I'm wasting time.

My brother-in-law is coming home from Canada in two months, and he's lived there the last two years. He's coming home via Mexico and Thailand. He's just done what I have wanted to do my whole life - live somewhere other than here.

Sometimes I joke with Kristin about homeswapping... my Sunshine Coast abode for her Kansas lodgings. Sometimes it's only half a joke.

I often wonder why I never made it to the other side of the world to set up camp. Life hasn't been easy and I was at uni and I never had enough money, excuses excuses. I tell myself if I wanted it that badly, I would have made it happen somehow. Anyhow.

But I didn't and I haven't. But that's not to say I won't. I haven't travelled much, but I want to so bad. I can feel it pulling in my chest, the deep longing of something you need to complete you as a human, but is always just out of reach.

And it's making me twitchy. Unsettled.

I want to be in places I've only ever seen pictures of before.

And even though I've been, I feel as though it's not enough.

I can't tell you how excited I was to be here. I still don't know why I have such a crush on American politics.  It can't be normal. It's all your fault, Bill Clinton.

I used to have a picture of this castle on my wall for inspiration when I got up every day and slaved 9 hours at a job I loathed. I knew that if I worked hard and saved hard, I'd get there one day. I did, but it was long after I left that job.

When the baby was just born, and I was overwhelmed with the baby blues, I used to sit in the bath and think of New York City. And how much it felt like home. And how sad I was that I wasn't there and I wasn't going back for a very, very long time. oh god, how MAUDLIN!

I want to ride my bike in Vancouver again, and hopefully not fall off this time. Thanks very much, person taking up the entire footpath so I had to navigate a gutter and completely lose my shit trying to re-mount it.

I want to ride along the desert highways of California and Nevada again, Fear and Loathing style. Only without the traffic jam and the too-long bus ride and the pushy lady in the seat in front of me making me pull the shades down so I couldn't see the view and she could watch her 1998 rom-com in peace.

I want to see what mundane life is like in other cultures. I want my toilet seats warmed, and I want them to spray pretty smells and play pretty music to cover up any embarrassing noises I might be making (but that never happens 'cos girls don't poo). 

I want to walk into a restaurant where I can only speak Year 8 Japanese and order something I've never eaten before and have it be the best thing I've ever tasted.

I want my environment to be something completely different to home. Something totally the opposite. I want to be in awe.

I want to be on a tropical island with my love, without a care in the world. And this time I'd like somebody else to pick up the room charges... eep.

Looking over these, I feel so fortunate. And so guilty. I am incredibly lucky to have experienced what I have, and to have these pictures and memories. Not everybody has that.

I feel guilty that this isn't enough for me.

So I need to turn my head around. I have an incredible job, that I love and am excited about. For that reason I won't move.

I have an incredible, amazing family and brand new baby and way-cute kitten. While I could take them anywhere in the world with me, we seem to belong here.

Here, where the sun is like the air that I breathe and makes me happier than just about anything else could. 

Here, where we play backyard cricket, and have barbecues and hang out with our friends and are near our families.

I can't complain. And I know how lucky I am. But sometimes... London really does call.

Where do you want to be?